How can I relate to someone living with dementia?

There are some fundamentals of communicating and relating with someone living with a dementia. That is, there are some basic things you can do to help your relationships. There are many more, which you can learn about when booking a session on our Education and Support page.

The fundamentals of communicating and relating include:

When meeting someone with advancing dementia it is always good to introduce yourself. This may be your first name, and if you know the person may have difficulty knowing where you ‘fit in’ in their life, also say your relationship or why you are there. You may need to introduce yourself each time you have contact, especially if you work with the person. In a work situation it is good to wear a name tag with your first name in large lettering, but also say your name to those with whom you come in contact.

Be aware of your physical positioning, that is engage at the same level, either sitting or standing. Even if you are only present for a short time, sit if the other person is sitting or lying, it conveys interest and a relaxed interaction.

Make eye contact initially and when listening. Although eye contact is not necessary throughout an entire conversation, looking at someone always conveys interest. Even if you are engaging in practical activities with or around the person, making eye contact every so often will create a connection. Where someone has a visual impairment, a touch on the forearm will convey a similar sense.

Give time. Pay attention to your timing and don’t interrupt or pre-empt what the person is going to say. Allow the person to find the words first, or describe what it is they’re trying to say before you come to the rescue. You may feel you want to jump in and help, but it is much better to be a support and assist only when necessary.

Pay attention to how fast or slow you are speaking, that is your pace. Talk too fast and the person you are speaking with may not be able to follow. Talking too slow can also create difficulty. Talking slow can impart a sense of infantilising the other person, that is you start talking to the person as if he or she is a child. Remember, unless the person you are speaking with is actually a child, you are talking with an adult who has many varied life experiences, and simply now needs your love and support. Also, keep to one topic at a time and try not to confuse a situation.

Be attentive. Be guided by the interests of the other person, including taking notice of gestures and gaze. Also, repeat key words back to the person you are talking with to show you are listening and to stimulate further conversation.

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